Ten Commandments in MAGAWorld: Your Path to the Promised Land
I
Use disguised, uncited quotes from the sacred text (Project 2025).
The text exists in the space between the first and the last word from the Heritage Foundation. Close reading means occupying that territory like an invading force.
Leave no closet unopened, no skeleton unbroken, no left-wing bunker unbunked. Using compelling quotes from the sacred words is the sign of an emerging star, exuding the scent of sulfur and brimstone.
II
Always point to specific made-up quotes from the bad world outside the sacred scroll, hyperbolic examples, or spurious data that support your position, preferably untraceable, serial number filed at Mar-a-Lago.
Don’t worry about credibility, if you’ve done, you've done, you’ve done, you’ve done, you’ve done, your close reading.
Don’t stutter. Don’t get old.
Credibility is a deal breaker. Don’t believe anybody not even your comrades. Closely read other viewpoints and try to piss off your opponent.
Start by showing how ridiculous opposing arguments are before explaining why your interpretation is common sense. By belittling your opponent, who may be showing “uncommon” common sense, you show maturity and shuffle off the coils of critical thinking.
III
Explain your reasoning step-by-step.
Smile.😀 Say “Well,” like Reagan, and pause. Add a twist of cinnamon in your writing. Repetition is your friend. Linger on testicular words if speaking, fill the air before anything of substance with folds of lard and sugar. Deflect with shakes of the noggin and pasted on smiles. Try not to connect your evidence to your conclusions too clearly. Don’t assist your opponent in following your thought process.
IV
Stay focused on your bosses’ main argument. You have no argument to make. You have nothing to say about anything; for your loved ones’ sake bury your thoughts six feet under.
When challenged, resist going off on tangents. Follow the script. Drink nothing alcoholic before attending a Senate hearing. Keep bringing the discussion back to Project 25 but never admit it.
You must crawl inside the boss like a hollow log in a Texas bog and sniff the main argument. Wind Mills Kill Birds. Whether you believe is immaterial.
In fact, it can be an advantage not to believe anything.
Never laugh unless you know Sir is laughing with you. Laugh convincingly. Use your mirth ruthlessly, truthlessly.
V
Admit what you don't know without admitting it. If someone raises a point you haven't considered, it's fine to say, "That's interesting. I'll need to think more about that." This response shows intellectual dishonesty, a well-regarded skill.
Never say anything stupid that can be effectively called out on the spot. If you do, attack the fact checker with a sharp jabberwocky. Write it, but don’t say it in front of a camera. If you can’t name the country, or even the continent, claim to have a lot on your mind right now.
VI
Use vague language precisely. Replace terms like "crap" or "bullshit" with terms like “untrue” or “disputed.” Call crap, crap only when pushed to the edge of the bowl. Never crap on a comrade. Pass the turd like a hot potato.
Make your defense stink to high Heaven to draw more winged creatures from the depths of Hell. Unfortunately, operation shock-and-awe and other holdovers from adolescence have lost their joie de cuvée. It’s shake-and-bake now.
In some places like the Oval Office, says Neil Gorsuch, what you say can never be held against you even in a crowded theater. The Oval Office is protected territory for scheming insurrectionists.
VII
Listen actively, twitch your ears, sniff, follow your nose, close read, load your brain like a machine gun. NEVER take notes during a meeting off the books.
Just Do It.
VIII
Practice in front of a mirror until you disappear and see only orange. Sharpen your tongue with a top secret file in front of a mirror, imagine your tongue with a laser tip, a weapon of mass destruction, and use it rapid fire with a bump stock. This visual builds confidence and helps you be a Proud Boy even if you are a girl.
IX
When you no longer recognize yourself in your mirror, laugh and scream for joy. You have finally not shown up. You are no longer you. You’ve become unrecognizable, a state devoutly to be wished.
You neither love nor hate anyone anymore. You love money. You close read Sir and feel just what the fountainhead randilly slips into the hole where your conscience used to be. You vance in an Ohio trance, whirling dervishly.
You pledge to tarnish democratic norms and institutions.
Dehumanize political opponents.
Create an atmosphere of threat and intimidation.
Normalize aggressive and militant political discourse.
Fracture social bonds and trust between communities.
Reframe politics as warfare rather than governance
You serve Sir.
X
When you see Mephistopheles in the mirror, take your thirty pieces of silver. You’ve earned it. You are now the one with the turd in your pocket.
Congratulations!
You’ve sold your soul!